You Have So Much to Live For
by Cherise Brooklyn
Summary: Edward runs to Italy to ask the Volturi to die. When they reject his request, he does something drastic to reveal himself. But what if Edward had a guardian angel? What if he stopped him from killing himself? What if Edward had never been born?
1. Chapter 1: Finding Out

A/N *Plot loosley based on _It's a Wonderful Life_

**Dialouge in italics are from New Moon Chapter 3(I might have gotten some of the words wrong(Sorry!) and I shortened the dialouge a bit so it can get to the point a bit quicker)

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE TWILIGHT SAGA CHARACTERS. THEY ARE PROPERTY OF STEPHENIE MEYER.**

Chapter One: Finding out

"He's not here right now," the boy answered, with a tinge of anger in his voice.

"Well, where is he then?" Edward demanded, impatience growing inside of him.

"He's arranging the funeral," and his entire world came to a halt.

Those four words were all he heard, before everything stopped moving. The words the boy had said were still echoing in his head like they were said in an empty cave. "_He's at the funeral...funeral...funeral..."_

_She's gone, _he thought sadly. _Gone from this Earth. Gone forever, never walking on ground,never breathing life. She's gone to a place that was, and will be forever barred from me. Someplace I will never be able to enter, no matter what will happen._ He started to think of the memories he had with her. The golden years of his life. The only time he had truly found happiness since his transformation nintey years ago.

_Bella. Gone. Dead. Deceased. Never coming back. _He was never goning to be able to see her face, her smile, her laugh, her touch, the way she blushed when they were alone together. It was his fault that Bella fell off the brink of her death. He couldn't bear what Charlie and Renee must think of him. He was a monster. A monster who pushed their only child to suicide.

Edward felt like the room was closing in on him. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't tell what was going on around him. All he saw was darkness, surrounding him. Nowhere to go. Nothing to turn to.

All he heard in his head was their last conversation together.

_I dont want you in my life, Bella._

_You..don't..._want _me?_

_No...Of course I will still love you...in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that I can't be something I'm not. I'm not _human_._

_Don't...don't do this._

_You're not good for me, Bella. But I want you to promise me something, don't do anything reckless or stupid. And I'll promise you something in return, this will be the last time you'll ever see me. I won't put you though anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any interference from me. It will be as if I never existed...._

He felt his stomach heave. If only he had come back sooner, or had never said those words, he would've saved her from doing the most stupidest thing she had ever done. He saw the phone in his hand and angerily, he crushed it in his hand and threw it against the wall.

_There's only one place I can go to be with her once more, _he thought sadly. Edward stood up, for the first time in a long time; walked towards the wall, punched a hole in it and jumped out the window, running to his death.


	2. Chapter 2: Asking to Die

Chapter Two: Asking to Die

Edward arrived to Italy in a matter of minutes. He ran across the Atlantic Ocean from his 'room' in Brazil to Italy upon hearing Rosalie's news telling him about...Bella's death. He felt like his stomach was punched repeatedly in the same place. It didn't matter anymore, nothing did. With Bella gone from the Earth, there was no point of mattering. He was going to confront the Volturi to kill him. He knew there was no way he could get into heaven, but he much rather be in hell, than live in a world without Bella. It was impossible. All Edward felt was guilt racking over him. If he left when he had the chance, she wouldn't have to have jumped off the cliff and have drowned into the cold ocean.

He reached into his pant pocket and pulled out the picture of them Alice had taked at the party. _It's my fault that's she's dead,_ he thought grimly. _It's _always_ my_ fault_. If I could have gone back, and checked on her before, I would've stopped her from doing this. I could've told her that what I had said was a lie, I never meant any of it. I always had, and always will, love her._

He felt his stomach heave again at the thought. He shouldn't think of Bella dead, it wouldn't matter anyways, they will be together again. If the Volturi approve of his request.

Edward, at human pace, walked towards Volturi Castle, where he was stopped by two of the guards at the door. By their thoughts, the big, dark-haired one was called Felix, and the smaller, lighter-haired one, Demitri. He had heard of Demitri from Carlisle many years ago, Demitri was a tracker. A very skilled one at that.

"Hold it," Felix said to him as he tried to enter the gates too the castle. How can he so stupid? The Volturi Guards don't allow people from outside their walls in, unless he had a reason to enter. Edward looked up to Felix, his dark, thirsty eyes staring into Felix's crimson ones.

"Gentlemen," he said to the guards, his voice hoarse "I would like to speak with your masters."

"Well, we can't let you in, unless you have an appointment," Demitri said apoligtically, though his tone of voice and thoughts didn't express any emotion.

"Well then, tell Aro that my name is Edward Cullen, and I would like to request his audience today."

Demitri and Felix exchanged shocked glances at each other.

_Cullen?_Felix thought. _As in _Carlisle_? Is he one of his sons? _Edward nodded. "Yes, Carlisle is my father." The two guards exchanged a confused look to each other.

"He's a mind reader, no doubt," Felix muttered to his partner. The two guards then opened the entrance to the castle. "Jane," Demitri said to the empty hallway.

A small blonde-haired girl appeared at Demitri's side. "Demitri, Felix," she said with no emotion showing in her child-like voice. She turned to Edward.

"Who is this?" she asked them.

"This is Edward Cullen," Felix told her "he's Carlisle's son." Jane turned back to acknowledge Edward. _I'd always expected Carlisle to show some civility into his children. But not everyone is right._ She looked at him with disgust.

Edward realized that she was gesturing to his bedraggled clothing. His shirt was ripped, his shoes and his pants were dirty. He hadn't had a change of clothes in over seven months. In fact, he felt no need to do that, what was the point? It wasn't like he was getting dressed up for anything. Well, at least anything that mattered.

"Follow me," she said to him, with no trace of emotion in her voice. Jane and Edward, with Felix and Demitri trailing behind them, walked down the large hallway to a cobblestone alley. Jane had led him to a wooden door with iron bars and opened the door, leading to the elevator.

The elevator decended to the reception office where he smelled an intoxicating aroma. Human blood, he relaized. There was no other smell like it. His throat started to burn from the lack of blood he had drank in the past...when _was_ the last time he hunted anyways? He vaugely remebered anything since his last, and final encounter with _her_.

"Wait here," Jane ordered him, waking him up from his reverie. "I will tell you when my masters would want your audience. But while you wait, please ask Gianna for anything," she finished gesturing to the young felmale human sitting behind the receptionist desk. "Will that be all?" he asked the diminutive girl

"Yes," she replied coolly as he, Demitri and Felix disappeared through another hallway.

Edward looked at the fragile human receptionist. She had seemed very well aware of what was going on, and the fact that his kind actually existed. He wondered if she was aware what her fate was.

"Hello," she said to him in a friendly way "please take a seat while you wait." she gestured to the chairs behind him. Edward nodded and sat down stiffly.

_He seems tired,_ she thought. M_aybe I should go over to him and a--_

"No thank you," he reponded to her thoughts "but thank you for your concern."

Gianna stared at him with shock, but then realized he was one of the 'gifted ones' and sat back down.

Not long after, Jane appeared to him. "My masters would like to see you now, Mr. Cullen," she said to him as she led him to an old stone hall with three thrones for royalty and no windows for sunlight to creep in. Volturi Hall, as Carlisle called it once. It was where the old Volturi family and its guard held their meetings and had their...fixings.

"Hello, Edward," Aro greeted him entusiastically. "How nice of you to drop by and visit us! Caius, Marcus, this is Carlisle's son! How is he, anyways?"

"Carlisle is well, Aro," he replied, his voice still hoarse.

"What brings you here, Edward?" Aro asked him "Demitri had said you have requsested for our audience today."

"Yes, I do. I request to die."


	3. Chapter 3: The Volturi's Decision

**Chapter Three: The Volturi's Decison**

"I request to die." he said. Everyone's thoughts started to buzz around the room. Aro was bewildered at his request. Aro and the other Volturi members considered vampirsim a gift. Immortality, super-speed and strength and most of the time, they had talents. Caius was as just as stunned as the others, but he was more willing to kill him than the others. Mainly because of personal reasons.

Caius had always loathed Carlisle from the beginning, and found his growing family a threat to the Volturi, especially one with many talented vampires. He was more than pleased to do the job now, since it meant taking down one of the Cullens and 'killing' Carlisle in the prosess.

Marcus, other other hand, was bored. He didn't really care...but there was something in him that empathsized with Edward. He couldn't figure out what.

"I beg your pardon?" Caius skeptically asked him.

"I think you heard me well enough," Edward responded in a cool monotone.

"Why on Earth would you want to do that, Edward?" Aro asked him, when everyone got over their shock. "You are a glorious immortal. What more can you ask for?"  
_Everything_, he thought. _I don't want immortality. That's what caused the problem in the first place. I don't deserve it. I want to be with the one I Iove._ he didn't respond. It wasn't Aro's buisness to know about Bella. His memories of her were for him. And she was gone.

"Edward," he said, interupting his thought. "I can't grant your request if you don't tell me why." Edward still didn't respond. It was selfish of him to keep his memories of her to himself, but the Volturi had no right to look into them. They belonged to him, and him alone. The only safe haven for him to relive his treasured memories.

"Edward," Aro chided as he stepped down his throne and grabbed Edward's hand. Edward felt everything rush through his body. Aro was looking into his memories.

His human life went past him first. Edward saw his human mother and father taking him to his first day of grammar school, and his first piano recital. His first day of high school went by as well, and his senior year, he saw the advertisments for new recruits for the war in Europe. The day he decided to recruit, his father had been hit by the influenza and the day he and his mother met Dr. Cullen. A week later, his father died. And two days later, he and his mother were hit.

Dr. Cullen and his sick mother had both taken care of him. His mother was so fragile, she looked like she would collapse any second.

His mother had died of the illness not long after, and now he felt like he was going to die too. He was being wheeled out the morgue. What more could he expect? He was being wheeled in with the dying. He was dead.

Then he felt his body burning in pain and begun his new life as Edward Cullen.

Carlisle had met Esme three years later and they got married. Six years later, he had decided to run away from the family and killing humans. He couldn't handle it. Every time he felt thirsty, he always heard a scream that left him to feel guilty and he came back. Then he met Rosalie, Emmett and Alice and Jasper. The family finally came together. The perfect family...for them anyways. Edward, was as lonely as ever, until that fateful day last year.

Seeing her for the first time, and how intriguing it was when he couldn't read her mind. The first time her scent had hit him like a ton of bricks and the second time he left, then coming back because he couldn't bear being far from Forks...and she still intrigued him. Their first conversation together. Rescuing her from being crushed by Tyler's van, watching her sleep. And finally, he showed her what he really was.

"_It doesn't matter...I'm only afraid of losing you."_

Edward felt his heart hurt, he knew what was going to happen next. James, Victoria and Laurent are what happened next, and they tracked her. Despite Laurent backing out, James had nearly killed Bella. And all the bad memories rushed through.

The birthday party.

Jasper attacking her.

Convincing his family to leave town.

Telling the worst lie he ever told to the one he loved.

His family worrying about him, who have gotten Alice to call him

"_Edward, where are you?"  
_

_ "I don't know. I just want to be alone for a while, Alice. I'll come...home when I want to come...home"_

His decision to track Victoria, and the humiliation he had from following a misleading trail to Brazil, where the 'trail' had led him and continued the rest his exile. His heart wrenching in pain when he failed, and the pain became excrutingly worse when Rosalie's news came by.

"_She's dead, Edward. She jumped off a cliff two days ago..."  
__  
"He's at the funeral."_ the angry boy's voice had replied when he called her home, and Edward pulled back into reality.

"Interesting," Aro murmured as he took his hands away from Edward "very interesting, indeed."

"What has captured your interest, Aro?" Caius demanded.

"It would seem that Edward has aquired himself a mate," he answered the other ancient's question. Edward cringed. Aro talked of Bella like she was still here and belonged to him. Neither of which are true. "But there is something interesting about the girl."

"What is it?"

"The girl is human." Marcus looked up, interested. Caius looked at him in shock, then turned to Edward.

"You," he growled at him "you _dare_ to reveal yourself to a human?"

"Yes, I did. I told her everything about our kind as well." Edward admitted, hoping they would kill him on the spot because he had broken one of their rules.

"Then, what are we waiting for?" he exploded "Demitri! Felix!"

"Peace, Caius," Aro said to him soothingly as the two guards were prepared to rip Edward's arms off. "There is no need for this. The girl is not an issue to us." Edward growled under his breath. Bella was never just a _girl_, she was wonderful. There was never a dull moment with her around. She was the reason for his existence. The keeper of his heart.

"Why?" he asked impatiently

"It seems that Bella has been departed from this Earth no more than two days' time," he responded. Saying the words 'Bella' and any synonym related to 'dead' out loud, made it seem like a reality, and not a terrible nightmare.

It wasn't like he could, after all, he can't sleep.

Edward felt weak, he wanted to feel like it was just a terrible dream, and he would awake soon. But unfortunatly, he wasn't, and wasn't that the whole reason why he was here?

"Aro," Caius responded in a hostile tone "despite the fact that the girl is dead, he has still broken the most important rule for our kind! Therefore, we should grant his request."

"I suggest we discuss the matter in private, gentlemen," Marcus spoke for the first time.

"Yes," Aro agreed "we shall." he turned to Edward "Edward, would you mind waiting in the reception area? Gianna will take care of your needs, unless you would want to hunt. If you do so, you must hunt from outside the city and we will send a guard to notify you of our decision." Aro thought of Demitri when he said that.

Edward nodded stiffly; but was displeased. It doesn't take a private discussion to make this decision, it was a simple 'yes or no' question; "Will you kill me, or not?". He really hoped the answer was yes. He couldn't take another minute of being in a world where his one love was...gone from the Earth.

He left Volturi Hall and into the reception area, where sweet, naive Gianna was smiling at him warmly. She really had no idea of what her fate was. She just went on doing paperwork, while her employers were feeding off poor humans like herself, and she would soon be their next meal.

Edward left the castle and walked along the streets of Volterra, finding a place of solitude for him to be alone. He found a cobblestone alleyway, where he couldn't hear anything, not even a person's thoughts, nor a a footstep. Perfect, he thought. He sat on the ground, putting his head between his knees and started to think.

Can vampires enter heaven? He highly doubted that. But there should be a place where people of his kind, if it wasn't heaven. Maybe hell, its not like the devil doesn't welcome demons there. Wasn't there a place where someone like him will end up after death?

Bella thought he could.

He hoped he would end up in the same place she had. _Could_ he end up in a place like heaven? Someone like him? Probably not.

All he could think about was Bella. He couldn't distract himself from anything else. All their happy moments together were all playing and replaying like a broken record. He pushed himself into an alternate universe were she was still living and he would run to Forks and go down on knees and beg for her forgivness. He would do anything to stay with her again, even if it meant staying on his knees for the rest of his life. If only life could be a dream, then he'd never wake up.

He looked up, hearing Demitri's thoughts heading towards the alley to escort him back to Volturi Hall. They have made their decision. Judgment day has come, he thought as he followed Demitri back to the caslte, where he heard the leaders' thoughts of their decision. They chose to deny his request.

Edward replied in a dark monotone "So, you've made up your minds."

"Yes, it was an itriguing debate. We rarely encountered a vampire who would willingly hand his over his existince. Pathetic. And discracful. But I'm afriad your gifts are much too valuable to destroy. But if you're unhappy with your life we can offer you a place here. Join us." Thoughts scattered thorugh the hall. Caius who was opposed to Aro's decision, was beyond angry when he announced of this. There was no way he would allow a Cullen a place in the Volturi. Jane, felt threatened. She knew Aro was very fond of his family, and she thought her place as the favourite would be replaced by him. Her brother, Alec, was bewildered.

Edward smiled grimly and said"You know what will happen anyway." and walked out of the hall.

Aro sighed. "Such a waste," he heard him say.


End file.
